Recruitment copywriting – does tone of voice matter?
When talking about tone of voice, Innocent Drinks is often held up as a paragon of virtue.
Until it comes to their recruitment copywriting and job ads.
Here are the opening lines of the first 5 ads on their site recently:
Group Finance Reporting Manager
“Innocent is growing up and maturing from a big little company to a little big company. With greater size comes greater responsibility. It is an exciting time of change with having gone live with our first factory and new ERP systems in the past 18 months. We have a great opportunity for someone to…”
Finance Compliance Manager
“Innocent is growing up and maturing from a big little company to a little big company. With greater size comes greater responsibility. It is an exciting time of change with having gone live with our first factory and new ERP systems in the past 18 months. We have a great opportunity for someone to…”
HR Admin Coordinator
“As our HR admin coordinator, or as we like to say ‘people coordinator’, you’ll be able to immerse yourself in, and learn about the world of HR. We’re looking for someone to come and help us out for a 9 month fixed term contract. There will be lots to support on, but for the most part, you’ll be…”
Junior Finance Analyst
“We’re already well on the way from being the UK’s favourite little smoothie brand to being Europe’s favourite little healthy drinks brand – with major operations across Western Europe and a range that spans smoothies, juices, coconut water, dairy free, gazpacho and more. To continue our…”
Business Analyst – Supply Chain
“This is a fantastic opportunity to join our finance and supply platform team as a Business Analyst, responsible for driving transformational change of our technology and processes for an ever-evolving business. We have a bucket load of projects to go after where you’ll be playing a key role…”
Can you see where they are going wrong?
These introductory paragraphs are all about the company and not enough about what’s in it for the reader. Unless people are banging on the door to work there, this approach doesn’t work.
The first two start with exactly the same opening paragraph before the ‘read more’ link. What’s there to tempt the reader to click it? You need to write about what’s special about every individual job.
Those two also talk about the ‘exciting time of change’ without saying what that change might mean to the reader, and use that old cliché: ‘great opportunity’. One of the others is apparently a ‘fantastic opportunity’.
Avoid adjectives. They are usually pointless. It’s for the reader to decide how great or fantastic it might be.
There’s no point saying “We’re looking for…” They know that. They’re reading a job ad. It’s just a waste of words.
When it comes to writing good job ads, Innocent are guilty.
If you’re looking for new ways to attract candidates to jobs, take a look at our Copywriting Training Courses
